Letter four.

Dear Mr. Izzard,

I love languages. If I am ever lucky enough to stumble across a genie in a bottle and allowed to make one wish, my wish would be to be able to speak every language in the world fluently. I mean, how cool would that be? You could go anywhere on the planet, and be able to talk to anyone you meet. You could learn so much about people and cultures, and avoid so many misunderstandings. I bet I could get a pretty cool job somewhere in the UN or something, solving all the worlds' problems. Not sure I would want to, but the possibility would probably be there.

Anyway, the language I am trying to learn now is Spanish. I love Spain; the food, the relaxed atmosphere, the people, Carlos Ruiz Zafón, Salvador Dalí, and obviously the language. Now, when I say I am trying to learn Spanish, it is not like I am doing a course or anything (yet), but I have a Nintendo DS with a game called My Spanish Coach, which is actually quite good, and I have signed up online for Spanish Word of the Day, by dictionary.com. So I learn grammar and how to build sentences and stuff with my DS, and a vocabulary with Spanish Word of the Day.

Now, I am not sure if you are familiar with dictionary.com and Word of the Day, but it is quite simple; you get a word, the translation of the word and a few sentences where they show you how the word is used. Usually the sentences are quite useful; you can see yourself in a situation where you would need to say that exact thing. I know you have spoken a bit about this in one of your shows, so you probably know what I mean.

So the word yesterday was 'pues', meaning 'well'. One of the sentences was:
¿Así que va a llamar a la policía si no nos vamos? Pues, le aseguro que la policía no nos va a encontrar cuando llegue.
Which translates to:
So you're going to call the police if we don't go, are you? Well, I can tell you, the police won't find us here by the time they arrive.

So picture this; you are in Madrid in a bar, you have just ordered a beer and some tapas, you are totally enjoying the atmosphere and being cool, hanging out with the Madrilenas. Then all of a sudden you fall out with someone, maybe you step on someone's foot, maybe you spill someone's drink, say something bad about their mother or Real Madrid, anything crazy like that, a fight breaks out, and the bouncers rush over to break it up, and tell you they will call the police unless you remove yourself from the premises immediately. And you know what to reply! '¿Así que va a llamar a la policía si no nos vamos? Pues, le aseguro que la policía no nos va a encontrar cuando llegue.'
Pretty useful if you ask me...

Until next time. All the best.

Letter three.

I want to talk to you today about music. I love music. My life would be utterly boring and not worth living, if I didn't have my life soundtrack. If I for some weird reason had to choose between going blind or going deaf, I would definitely choose blind. A lot of people wouldn't, I think. A lot of people would rather choose deaf. But not me. I have heard somewhere that deaf people can 'hear' the music through the beat or the vibrations or something, but that wouldn't be enough for me. I need the real thing, and preferably loud. Unless I wear headphones, then I keep it at a sensible level, because if I didn't I actually would go deaf, which would just be the biggest irony ever. Anyway, the reason for this very bold and enthusiastic statement (the 'I would go blind' one), is a new album I recently purchased. Now, just to make it absolutely clear; I don't benefit financially or artistically in any way from this album, unfortunately!, it is just a bloody brilliant album, and listening to it makes my heart sing, warms my soul and puts a smile on my face.

We are talking about Norwegian electronica (What?!?? – you might say – I thought they only did Death Metal!). I have no idea what kind of music you like, or even if you like music at all (a lot of people have a very indifferent attitude to music, which I just find very strange, but who am I to judge). Anyway, the band is called Ugress (which means weed in Norwegian), and their most recent album is called Unicorn. It is one of those albums that sneak up on you. If you are a fan of music you will know what I mean. The first time you listen to it, you go; yeah, that's okay. The second time you listen to it you go; hey, cool. The third time you listen to it, you go; bloody freaking fucking hell, this is brilliant! And the funniest thing is, Mr. Izzard that one of the songs on this album actually made me think of you… I am talking about The Ultimate Fix, and the lyrics go:

I'm gonna start everyone
With my high heeled kicks
And make your head spin faster
I'm the ultimate fix

Don't know if you agree, but that could be you.And if you get curious now and want to check out this band and this song, you should also check out the other stuff they do. They are quite simply brilliant! And just to mention it again; I don't benefit financially or artistically in any way, I just see it as my duty to save as many souls as I can by introducing them to music worth listening to.

All the best, until next time.

Letter two.

Dear Mr. Izzard,

Some friends had a house warming this weekend. I always worry about gatherings like that, because even though they are your friends and you get along and like each other, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will get along with or like all the other friends they have invited. You belong to different crowds, and there are no guarantees of success when you are all put in the same room. It went well though. It was a very pleasant evening. But hey, I can only like anyone who wants to join me in a couple of rounds of Sing Star. You can’t really go wrong with that.

The only problem with going to parties is the late hour in which you get to sleep. I don’t drink much, but I actually might as well get plastered because if I don’t get my eight hours of sleep, I have ruined the next day anyway. I don’t understand people who can sleep four-five hours and be as fresh as a fiddle the next day. I sleep eight hours, and still struggle to get out of bed. It is weird because in one way I am a total a-person that likes to get up early, and make good use of the day and not sleep it away, and at the same time I love sitting up in the evenings, and watch a movie or do some work or whatever. Those two things unfortunately are not very compatible. I should be one of those persons that could do with four hours of sleep. Do you think that is something you can train? That you can teach your body to have the same amount of energy on less sleep? I mean, you can train your stomach to be smaller, it is hard but it is possible. If you start eating less at each meal, just so you are not hungry anymore, your stomach will adjust to that and sort of shrink to fit the new ‘measurement’. Of course, it only takes one meal of over eating to stretch it straight back to the old big shape again, so you need to be very disciplined. Not sure it would work with sleep, and I must admit I am bit afraid of trying. Trust me; you don’t want to be anywhere near me if I am tired or hungry! GRUMPY!

Just heard today that Colin Powell is supporting Obama. I like that! And I also agree with him that Sarah Palin is not a very good candidate for the vice presidency (to say it nicely). Is there anyone on this planet that actually can take that woman seriously? But like a friend of mine said; in one way it would be great if she became the vice president, because you would always have something to talk about, someone to slag off and someone to hate. That’s quite human I guess. It is the same as wanting to watch War of the Worlds a second time just so you can bitch about how crap it is.

Well, I hope you are doing fine Mr. Izzard.
Until next time.

Letter one.

Dear Mr. Izzard,


I was thinking today, about two pen pals I had when I was younger. One was a boy who lived in Korea, and the other was a girl from Japan. I can't quite remember how I got in touch with either of them, but I think it was through one of those teenager magazines I read at the time. And as far as I can remember, I think the reason - at least one of the reasons - for having a pen pal abroad was so you could practice your English. Now I can't quite see why you would get a pen pal from Japan/Korea if you wanted to practice your English, or rather, your Engrish, but hey it seems to have worked. I don't think kids today have pen pals, unless it is through Facebook or something like that. I must ask my niece, she is thirteen she should know.

Anyhow, I was thinking of these two pen pals of mine (and I can't even remember their names anymore, sadly), and I thought it would be so cool to have a pen pal now. And since I can't remember the names of my two previous ones I thought I should find a new one, and I thought it might as well be someone I would probably like getting letters from, someone funny and entertaining. So here we are Mr. Izzard, my first letter to you.

You live in America at the moment right? What about that election hey! Very exciting I think. I haven’t seen the last presidential debate yet, but according to the newspapers over here in Europe Obama ‘won’ over McCain. Now that’s something I like to hear. Hopefully that’s what they will say the 4th of November too. America has such a big influence on the rest of the world, which the current financial crisis is good proof of, so I think it would be fair if everyone could vote in the American election. I mean the rest of the world. Don’t you think? It could be a totally separate thing, and it didn’t even necessarily have to count in the ‘actual’ election, but at least the person who won would know if the rest of the world agreed with the Americans or not. And that could be pretty useful, I would say. I mean, when George Bush comes to Europe and freaks Mrs. Merkel out, by giving her a back rub on open cameras, everybody knows that’s not right. Except Mr. Bush. He is a twat, and everybody knows it, except Mr. Bush himself. But if the Europeans had voted he could look at the numbers and go; hey, what’s up with this?!? He probably wouldn’t loose any sleep over it and put it down to the ignorance of those damn Europeans, what do they know anyway! But it would be statistical proof for those of us with half a brain or more that George Bush is a twat.

Well enough politics for now. I won’t bore you any longer, and will go on with my day. I hope this letter finds you well.

Best regards, until next time.